Long-Term Infertility: Does it ever go away?
It’s been thirteen years since my husband and I decided to not use any form of birth control and I am still dealing with ongoing struggles of long-term infertility. It’s almost been seven years since we brought our first son home from the hospital through the blessing of adoption. We now have three beautiful children, that we love oh so dearly. In my mind, we are content and feeling our family is complete. I have gotten rid of most of the baby things except a few sentimental things for keeping. My dream of becoming am a mother came true.
I am beyond happy and grateful for my children, especially how hard the struggle was to have them. There are many days when I sit back and can hardly believe it actually happened. The reality that three wonderfully selfless, courageous women chose us to parent their children floors me. God hand-picked these children for us. I have grieved and accepted the fact that I may never carry a baby in my belly. I also know without a doubt God called us to adopt.
Disappointment & Long-Term Infertility
My friend came today for a visit by the name of Aunt Flow. My friend was a few days late this month. After a week of cramping and spotting, Aunt Flow still hadn’t arrived. I still thought….maybe this time. Why? We are finished! Stick a fork in me, we are done! Don’t get me wrong I love being a mom, but our hands are full! I also know that God could make this miracle happen and open my womb, so I wait with hope.
Still grieving: Long-Term Infertility
With that all being said, I still struggle with long-term infertility. I still feel that twinge when I see a beautiful pregnant belly, or a friend delivers a baby. After all these years and actually becoming a mother, I thought that infertility would fade away. I can tell you though it doesn’t. It’s better for sure, but it’s not all the way gone. I tell you this because nearly every month I still sometimes have hope that my friend will not visit. I don’t know what I would do if my friend didn’t come visit one month, but I still can’t help being a little disappointed.
God designed woman to have babies:
There are many differences between men and women. God made us women to bear children. What a remarkable thing that only a woman can do!! Even though I have never been able to physically carry a baby inside of me, I feel blessed to be a woman and that God made us special in this way.
I would be lying if I said that I don’t want to know what it feels like to have a human growing inside of me. Or feel the first tiny kicks or hiccups. What is it like to provide food for your child? What IS labor like? Yes, I am sure awful but necessary to go through to bring your bundle of joy into the world. Does this mean I am any less grateful for the children I do have, and how they became my children? No, definitely not. There are days that I forget how they came to me, and I see traits in them that are just like me or my husband. The fact of the matter is my body hasn’t been able to do any of these things and it makes my heart sad from time to time.
Infertility is my Foe:
My body has not been able to carry a child. It amazes me on how much a miracle that getting pregnant really is. It takes ONE sperm to get the job done, but we have had no luck. If thinking the answer for infertility would go away through adoption, that’s not true at least not for me. It does get easier, but it is still there in the background. I know God has a reason why my womb remains closed, but sometimes my human sinful nature creeps in and asks why? I know I may never know this answer until one day in heaven, but it is something I continue to struggle with and I think in a way I always will.
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.
9 “For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9
Are you struggling with infertility? Do you have children now but have ongoing struggles with long-term infertility? Do you feel alone in your journey of infertility? I would love to be a listening ear or your shoulder to cry on. You are not alone. Contact me.